Moments

The year is flying by. It's already May and soon summer will be here briefly before it disappears again, all too quickly as it always does. I wish I could slow time down just for a while, just so that I can catch up and take a breath. Rasmus has started working so August and I spend our days together. We take long walks in his baby carrier and when he is happy with his own company I can get some things done too. Some days we go to play group with other little ones. More often that not he is more interested in his own world, exploring under the table or trying to climb rather that taking interest in what the other babies are doing. I talk to the parents about baby things and look at their surprised faces when I tell them August's age. He is so small, half the size of some of the babies that are months younger than him.

Early in the afternoon we were wrestling and playing in our big bed, August and I fell onto our soft, messy sheets, tired and out of breath. He lay on my chest, his cheek against mine, my arms wrapped around his warm, little body. We were still and silent for several minutes, both of us gazing at the white ceiling above and then I thought of something that made me laugh out loud. After I laughed I heard a tiny noise from August mimicking me. I laughed again and a slightly louder laugh echoed mine once more, suddenly we were both in fits of laughter, giggling at each other as we lay on our big bed, still cheek to cheek. I thought he was so clever, and I loved him with all my might in that perfect moment.

Now that the weather is friendlier we spend our weekends out of the house, all three of us meeting our friends in the city and parks, admiring the cherry blossoms and the green that's sprouting all over. August sits on my shoulders and laughs as he takes in the world. Reaching to touch people that pass by and pointing to the cars and buildings. I wish I could see the world like he does but watching him and his wonder makes up for it. We come home late, reluctantly sometimes as our none parent friends continue on until the sun begins to rise again. It's harder for Rasmus to have to come home than me. He is more wild. I think he always will be.

After one long day together in the warmth of Spring, August fell asleep on the bus on the way home. Wrapped in my arms I felt his breath calming and his little body relax against mine. When we got home to our dark apartment I lay him carefully in our bed and whispered a kiss on his soft forehead. Rasmus and I went outside, not wanting to waste the warmth, leaving the door open so we could hear August if he woke and we lay on the cool, damp earth side by side and looked up. Ignoring the looming apartment building and instead looking at the silhouette of the trees against the darkening sky, we listened to the birds still chirping. I could feel Rasmus's magical, blue eyes on me for what seemed like forever. I turned my head to see him, feeling almost nervous and he told me I was beautiful. I felt so pretty then, lying on the grass in my summer dress with my beautiful Swedish boy lying beside me. I could feel his warmth on my skin and I felt so calm, so happy. We lay there for a time talking about whatever came to mind, laughing, dreaming, forgetting everything else.

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