Sunday, 8 December 2013


The first snow has arrived and Christmas is only three weeks away. I haven't shared my thoughts here in a long time and it has been haunting me. My mind has been full and has kept me distracted from writing, my ideas and thoughts never consistent enough to share.

The sun rises after we wake and disappears after deep, glorious sunsets early in the afternoon. The darkness makes us sleepy as we adjust to the Winter. August makes us sleepy, being pregnant makes me sleepy. 

We spend dark days at the pool or at playgroup with friends, all inside, pretending that it's warm, keeping a little boy busy. I'm enjoying the time with him, just him, before we have another tiny one to dote on. I keep wondering how it will be to have two children, it seems like an impossible thing but I'm so excited. It sounds strange to say out loud. "I'll be a a mother to two children." It doesn't fit right because I'm just me, the same crazy child I've always been. Yet I'm not only that anymore, and the new part of me feels so right too. This time will be so different. I can feel it in my bones.

A sweet lady we met one day asked us to hold her new born daughter while running after her wild son. I almost melted when I held this tiny bundle in my arms. That glorious baby scent enveloping me. Her head was scarily unstable and it felt like the first time I had ever held such a fragile being. I can't believe August was ever so small and new. I looked into her eyes and her tiny face scrunched up in that unbearably sad way and she began to cry. It made my heart sink and I carefully but quickly passed her back to her mother, instantly calming her again. I am always in awe of the relationship between a mother and her child even more so because I know I will be experiencing that beautiful closeness all over again. 


In two weeks we are leaving our big, pretty house and only days before Christmas we will move into a cosy apartment with uneven floor boards in the attic of a big house, close by. I am excited to change again. I like change and it will be nice to have our own space to prepare for our baby and indulge in my nesting instincts no matter how simple they are. 

My body aches with muscles and hormones working extra hard. My belly feels quite small still but lots of pain is filling my days. I try to devote attention to my body. I nourish it as best I can on our tiny budget and I move it when I have moments alone, even if it's just a yoga pose to two I somehow feel lengthened and fluid instead of stiff and uncomfortable. When I have the time I think I want to devote more energy into learning yoga properly.

Christmas lights, stars and pretend candles sit glowing in the windows. The advent tradition is enduring here but Christmas seems far off and somehow a lot less important than it has been other years. Although, it is a good reminder to pause and enjoy life for a day and celebrate the present with good food and lots of love. Christmas is done differently in the cold and it will be August's first. It will be wonderful to see that magic twinkle in his eyes that fills my heart with boundless happiness.

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  1. You have an amazing talent to capture the mood in your words, in your pictures...