One

The world must be playing tricks on me. One year has gone and suddenly I have a magic filled child. Not a baby anymore but a child. My one year old, my walking, giggling, exploring one year old has arrived. I am bursting with joy each day to see just how incredible this little boy of mine is. To think that just one year ago I hadn't met him, never held him close and felt his sweet scent wash over me. All I knew of him was his familiar and regular pokes, just little feet kicking at the inside of my full and stretched belly. I loved him even before then. The very thought of him sent surges of yearning running through every inch of my being.

August's birthday was a weekend without distraction, just family and all the love we had poured into him. He was spoiled with gifts and didn't even realise it and I loved him so much for it. Happy to be surrounded by people he played, explored and cuddled with all his might, giggling and dancing as he went. We ate food that warmed the soul. I spent hours making messes in the kitchen and creating healthy and delicious meals. I made my favourite raw chocolate cake and August devoured it, smearing everything in reach in its succulent brownness.

We spent Sunday outdoors and in a beautiful café on an ancient farm with proud, old Swedish buildings standing among bee hives and a rainbow of flowers. I wanted to live there. It made me sad that such a heavenly place was so close to our little, concrete apartment. I didn't want to go back then. I just wanted to run away to start a new life somewhere beautiful with the boy of my dreams and my magical one year old. Soon enough we will.

Birthday recipes

Butternut-squash lasagne

Raw chocolate ganache tart

August, my first born, my wonder child,
You are my son. That is a sentence that still makes me catch my breath. I'm not sure that it will ever sink in and become real. It seems so surreal and impossible like something from a fairy tale in some wondrous place. As your tiny body grew deep and warm inside of me I thought I could die with excitement at the thought of meeting you, and then, after the twelve hardest hours of my life I did. They lay a crinkled and tiny you into my arms and I became your mother. You have taught me more in the last year about myself than I ever thought possible. It has been hard and beautiful and scary and humbling but most of all so unbelievably wonderful. I know it wasn't your choice to make but I am so grateful and so thankful that you are mine.

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