Sunday, 16 December 2012

Open spaces

A newly arrived Ramsus is becoming a farm boy under the watchful eye of my papa. I love that he is here now but it's strange to see our switched roles. I feel more confident and independent here and Rasmus becomes this odd and out of place boy. It gives me a good indication of what I must be like when I'm in Sweden and I wonder if we'll ever find a place where both of us are just as comfortable.

Most of weekdays are spent in the presence of the boys. My papa, my brother, August, Rasmus and my pretend brother Jacob who works for my parents. I like being a part of their crazy boyish group. We have stayed up late and listened to my papa tell story after story. For some reason I've only just realised how many good stories he has and how good he is at telling them. I have laughed until tears have threatened to fall as he stands and rhythmically describes something from his youth, eyes gleaming and his hands swinging as he almost dances out the happenings.

Little feet and hands are growing and August has been keeping me busy, particularly before Rasmus arrived. He is so wonderfully social but has just entered the stage that he wants only me sometimes, arms reaching out towards me between long sobs. I know that I will miss that so much when he is older.

We have fallen into a regular rhythm again and I have reverted back to my childhood self, the only difference is that I have so much to explore with August. There are animals to discover and flowers to touch and dream catchers to be made from green tree branches. August is even more of a nature boy than I thought and that fills me with joy. 

Wide open spaces are abundant and I can look into the distance of a never-ending countryside, both beautiful and overwhelming at the same time. I feel like I don't really belong any more but it also feels like I will never leave, back to my distant home in the cold. So for now I will keep it there in the back of my mind, out of sight and savour my time here in this strange yet familiar place I once called home. 

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