Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Homeward bound

Tomorrow I'm leaving my love and taking my little boy home with me. I left there a little girl and now I'm going back as a mother. It will be the first time I've set eyes on my home in two years. There is an ache at the bottom of my heart and I long for home and the familiar smell of gum trees, the fresh, black nights and the milky way dancing above, inviting long gazes and wondrous thoughts. I miss the electricity in the air after rain, running barefoot in my grassy backyard and lying topless on the trampoline to be be roasted by the burning sun. Everything I took for granted then, I yearn for now.
My papa and my brother will meet my baby boy for the first time. I long to see August with them both. It will be a wonderful moment when they first meet and, I expect, an emotional one too.
Just this week it was made possible that Rasmus will be joining us in Australia in three weeks. I will miss him always for that short time but it will be good for us to be apart as we have been so close for so long, almost inseparable since I moved here. Being at home will give me a chance to rediscover myself as Alyx, as my own being.
It will be an overwhelming experience being thrown back to an old and different way of life. Back in the countryside with my family, around the people I grew up with. I am nervous and excited and am wondering how it will feel or if I will want to return to Sweden or remain in the familiarity that is home. What my heart will want I cannot say or change but we will wait and see.

An eleven year old me cartwheeling on the beach in my home state. Hopefully I'll get the chance to do this again. 

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